Reality

Elise,

I finally understand. Not everything, I couldn’t – can’t – not yet – not now. I can’t understand everything, but… I understand why I’m here. I understand what I am. Sort of. And I was right. Ma chérie, I am here to protect you. They made me…

They watched as I was made. They watched. A cuckoo in the nest. I don’t know who that prince is to us, but we are related. You are a princess, ma petite puce. I…I’m fae. You are fae. I think. They hid us.

No.

I know they hid us.

If that prince is my father, I know they hid us. They hid us – to keep us from him.

But not just that. Not just…

I keep repeating myself. J’ai passé trop de temps avec Muninn, ma chérie.

The curse. The Tzimisce curse. Elise, our blood. It’s the cure. I think. Something about us – about our blood. My blood? My blood now.

I don’t know what He knows.

Is it fate or something else that made Him my sire? Villon wanted it done immediately. That’s what the Nosferatu primogen said and I have no reason to doubt them, but if that’s the case…does He know what I am? In Mr Fine’s shop he denied it, but…and I can’t tell him about it now because he doesn’t remember and I think it could be awful for him to know now…if his task is simply to watch me. If his task is to protect until…whoever it is in charge of him is ready for me. Until it’s time to use the weapon. Because that’s what I am, aren’t I? A weapon. I don’t know what effect my blood has on others. I taste like Kiasyd, but not quite. He must have…He Must have some idea as to what I am…what has my blood done to him?

Ma chérie, they…there are so many “they”s now.

I love you more than I love myself. You are my soul.

But…you were no accident.

And while I remember…I remember enjoying the experience that led to you…

You were very much planned. Just not by me.

There’s something very disconcerting, ma chérie, about finding out you were…bred.

You were bred and my true nature was hidden. I’m sorry.

Your grandfather? Great grandfather? Uncle? He did an awful thing, and now I have to fix it.

And no one could prevent me achieving that task. Kjarr…Kjarr fears…Kjarr fears. He thinks he could stop me…by loving me? By pleading? By force?

I can’t. This is why I exist, and I don’t think I can escape that. I don’t think anyone will let me. And I think that if I can just get it over and done with then I can spend an eternity loving him. And loving you. And caring for you, my little fae child.

No one can keep me from this task.

Because if they do, and I fail. They’ll use you.

And I can’t have that.

You’re so much more to me than “the spare”. I wonder if your father thinks of you as more than that, if he thinks more of me than that. If I’m even a person to him.

And Kjarr. Kjarr. Ma chérie, I love him. I…he doesn’t believe…he doesn’t want to believe in fate. He doesn’t want to believe in much, I think.

Such a dominant soul must find it difficult to feel buffeted by fate.

It’s like he has an aura around him though. An aura of fate.

He scares me, Elise. His passion…? His force of will? No. No, Elise, I don’t think it’s the passion that scares me. Passion I know. Passion I understand.

It’s what happens when the passion simmers down. It’s what happens when it’s a cold fire that burns.

That’s what I’m scared of, ma chérie.

I shouldn’t be. He would never turn that fire on you. He would never turn it on me.

But.

But something is there. And it terrifies me.

I’m scared that it might consume me. And I worry that I wouldn’t fight it.

That man is more Kindred than I.

Maybe it’s that he’s more human than I. Well…he is more human than I.

I’m not human. That metric doesn’t work..

And so I fear.

What I wouldn’t give to have just brought you to Ataraxia and stay there with the two of you instead.

Maman.